My Child is Having Trouble Saying Goodbye

Separation anxiety is a natural phase of development that many children experience, often peaking between six months and three years of age. While it can be heart-wrenching to leave your little one in tears, rest assured that this is a common and normal part of growing up, and most children gradually outgrow it. Here are some tips to make the transition to nursery smoother for both you and your child.

Prepare in Advance

Being organised can help reduce stress for both you and your child. Allow plenty of time to get ready and leave for nursery without rushing.

• Pack Together: If your child is old enough, involve them in packing their bag. This gives them a sense of control and excitement about the day ahead.
• Build Understanding: Read books and stories about going to nursery. This helps your child visualise the experience and provides an opportunity to ask questions and express concerns.

Establish a Predictable Routine

Children feel more secure when they can predict what will happen next. Establishing a consistent routine for leaving the house and arriving at nursery can provide them with this sense of stability.

• Morning Routine: Develop a sequence of steps—breakfast, brushing teeth, packing their bag, and heading out—that stays the same each day.
• Travel Familiarity: Play the same music, sing songs, or talk about familiar landmarks on the journey. This can make the trip to nursery comforting and predictable.
• Arrival Ritual: Follow a set sequence upon arrival, such as hanging up their coat, finding a favourite toy, or greeting their key worker.

Create a Good-Bye Ritual

A consistent, simple good-bye ritual can help reassure your child that you’ll return.

• Keep it Short and Sweet: Give a hug, a kiss, or a special handshake, and then leave confidently. Lingering or coming back can increase anxiety.
• Be Consistent: Perform the same ritual every day to help your child feel secure.

Communicate with Staff

If your child is upset during drop-off, communicate with their key worker about how to best comfort them. Share tips, such as bringing a favourite toy or item from home, to ease the transition.

• Trust the Nursery team: Remember, we are professionals and have experience comforting children and helping them adjust.

Stay Calm and Reassuring

You set the tone for how your child feels about separation.

• Be a Role Model: Try to remain calm and confident during drop-off, even if you’re feeling emotional inside. Your demeanour reassures your child that everything is okay.
• Avoid Guilt: Feeling guilty is normal, but try not to let it show. Instead, focus on the positives of their day, like playing with friends or learning new things.

Avoid Revisiting Difficult Goodbyes

After a tough drop-off, resist the urge to rehash the experience with your child. Instead, focus on their day’s highlights when you pick them up.

• Celebrate Success: Praise your child for their bravery and talk about fun moments from their day to help build positive associations with nursery.

Remember, They Will Settle

While goodbyes can be tough, children usually settle in quickly once you’ve left. Trust that they are in capable hands, and remind yourself that this phase will pass. Over time, your child will gain confidence and look forward to their time at nursery.

Separation anxiety is a challenge, but with patience, preparation, and consistency, you and your child can navigate this stage successfully. By creating a predictable routine and staying calm and supportive, you’re helping them build the resilience and confidence they’ll carry throughout their lives.